A gift from you

Dear God,

i am writing you this letter to thank you for never forgetting me. Just when I think the world is against me you give this gift to me. Although this gift is old yet new and I'm still learning alot about it, your gift has given me nothing but smiles and I pray to never live with out it. All my life I thought I knew what this gift really was but today on April 27, 2011 I know the real meaning of this gift called love. When he smiles the sun comes up in the day and the stars out at night and when he holds me in his arms I fit JUST right. He not only tells me that I'm beautiful, he makes me feel it too. He lifts me up and supports me in everything that I do. I'm not just his lover I am his best-friend and he lets me know how important our friendship is if we plan on making it to the end. He makes me smile when I wanna cry and he gives me butterflies when he looks in my eyes. He encourages me to do better, always keep my "chest out and chin up", but when I'm much to weak to do it he's there to hold it up. I love it when we read each others mind before saying anything and I love when we laugh together, learn together teach each other things. He never judges me for the words I say wrong and he never tears me down, he loves to see me strong. I have never had a friendship or felt like this before. This is only the beginning, i'm sure I'll love much more. But I just wanted to say thank you for giving me your word to never let me down, for never forgetting me, for always showing me you will always be around. For the gift of peace, sanity and courage to be strong. For the gift of understanding, happiness and the ability to love on.

Your child,

Lakelia :-)

Daddy's Girl

How about we spend the day playing in the park, eating ice cream, on the swings and talking heart to heart. How about you tell me just how much I mean to you and how i'm the prettiest girl that you ever knew. Kiss my forehead and and hug me tight as I melt in my daddy's arms. You look so tall and look so strong, no one could ever do me harm. How about you take me to the beach and lets play in the sand. We'll laugh and tell me stories because your such a funny man. Now that its night you'll tuck me in and tell how i'm your number one girl. Cover me up with teddy in arms because your the best daddy in the world. When I was young I wished for these things for you and me, but you left me with unanswered questions and these things were all just dreams. A daddy's girl I was at heart although you never knew it, all I ever wanted was for you to see right through it. You missed the most important things in my life you see, but the most important thing you missed was how much you meant to me. Then one day you appeared again but I was so much older. But I had to let you in because even though you where cold, I couldn't be colder. I wanted to tell you all about the things that you have missed. About my prom, graduation and even my first kiss. But cancer took you way to soon, my story had just begun to start. And again you left your baby girl with a missing part of her heart. I have always been a daddy's girl, you I have always admired. It's amazing how a daddies love is all a little girl desires.

What is love to me?

Love, just this simple word changes everything. It changes friendship, family, enemies and all. who ever thought that a 4 letter word would have so much meaning? To feel love is one of the most amazing things in the world and to give love is just as wonderful. How do I know that I am in love? When I go to sleep at night praying that God wakes me up to see his face again,I know I'm in love. When I just left his side and all I can think about is how much I miss him, I'm in love. Love makes you smile even when the world is a mess and it makes you laugh when you want to cry. It takes you away from all the pain and hurt in your life if only just for a minute. When you are willing to do everything to make this person smile, everything to keep them happy, you love them. When you purposely not say things in fear of upsetting them, you love them. But don't misunderstand me, you should never fear the one you love. When your in love the world seems to stop when you are not with them and times seems forever but when you are with them you hope for the clocks to stop ticking. Love affects all the 5 senses of the human body. Ever just sat and stared in the eyes of the one you love? *sigh* I know i'm in love when he sleeps beside me and while he sleeps I stare at him, admiring everything about him. In silence I trace his face, I admire the shape of his eyes, the thickness of his lips and the peacefulness in his face. I could stare at him forever. I don't know what your meaning of love is but to me this is LOVE.

Why can't I be mad?

Why can't I be mad when the world is the way it is. When money, cars and clothes are the only thing people think about when family should come first. Why can't I be mad that my young black brothers are killing each other, making babies and running off. When my young black sisters allow them to and feed into the drama. When they get pregnant by these men trying to keep them around. Why can't I be mad when these young girls lay up and get pregnant left and right, get abortion after abortion but I lost my son who I wanted so dearly. Why can't I be mad when all of these young people don't wanna do anything with their lives. Why can't I be mad that my best friend was murdered by some senseless fool who has no clue that i'm crying every night although its been a year. That my brother has the grow up in this cruel world where people kidnap children and rape them. that my other brother doesn't even know who i am because poppa was a rolling stone. That my 21 yr old brother doesn't love me. That two other brothers I have no contact with. Why can't I be mad that my father died at a young age leaving me with so many unanswered questions like why didn't he want me yet i cry for him too. Why can't I be mad that the world is at war and our people are dying left and right, that my friend is over seas living in a shit hole serving our country strongly. Why can't I be mad that people are out here losing their homes and jobs with no where to stay and no food to eat. That these colleges charge us a arm and a leg to get a degree and that without a degree you can't find a good job. Why can't I be mad because my heart has been broken so many times and I have been so misused and abused through out my life and people think I'm suppose to just smile and keep it moving. Why can't I be mad that we still live in a world full of racism and hate. Why can't I be mad that I don't have a lot of girlfriends because women are full of drama and just cant seem to get along and be happy for another. Why can't I be mad because my best friend has to go through so much drama in her life with her mother and she is treated liked shit when she is such a damn sweetheart! Why can't I be mad that people use guns instead of their fist, that people rob people for all they have instead of getting out and doing it like they did. WHY CANT I BE MAD????!!!!!! Do I not have the right to be?!!!!

Thanks for the pain

a young silly girl who thought she knew about love, Kisses and hugs she thought that would be enough. Just to call you her man was all she dreamed of and even better you was so much older than her. Tiny little frame was all she had with a heart full of pain from her sensitive past, she opened up to you and you jumped right in because you knew her heart was so broken. She was just so young when you took all control and made her feel away she knew was all wrong. Lowering her self esteem is what you did first so that you could do what you pleased and it worked. She felt like a fool, to skinny and small with eyes so wide which didn't fit her face at all. It started with a hit, a hit with your fist. Apologize yes and say you wont do it again. That would work until you did it again. It all got worst as you beat her so bad, with bruises on her face then you pretend to be sad. No one is there for you and you need her so and her being young she just did not know. All she wanted was to help you through your pain when all the time she was hurting but for you the strength she gained. Until the day came when enough was enough, she realized that she couldn't help you, it was getting to tough. She was getting beat in the process and hiding it from others while you were all along putting pillows over her face to smother. She had to wake up and let God in because if she didn't it was him she might be visiting. She said a prayer for you and had to let you go no matter how much you begged her no. You have made her such a strong person and gave her a story to share, to the other young girls who thinks no one in this world cares. But all in the end I do forgive you and this is because God has allowed me to. You see he does not fault us for our mistakes and he has healed this heart and soul that you tired to break. He does not put you through any pain to make you sad, he opens up your eyes and helps you learn from the past. So don't feel bad for what you did to me because God has taken very good care of me.